the search.


i don’t understand and neither do you
November 25, 2009, 00:47
Filed under: letters to no one

really, why? a year ago i asked you to send me here only if i could handle this. i don’t think i am handling all this very well. sure, it’s not too bad but you know it’s not enough. i don’t know why i am sent here. why i am allowed to be stuck in this muddle, to be denied of so many things and relationships i love, to be faced with doing things i cannot comprehend. it has been a whole year and today, i am such a changed person.

sure, to you who gets all this with ease. sure, it’s easy for you to say ‘i don’t get why you get so defined by grades’ to me. it’s easy for people who fly to see things from a bigger picture than those who are stuck in muck, particularly those who used to fly and then fell into it. there are things i want in life that i want, people i want to be with in the future that perpetuates this desire. it is so short-sighted of you to so quickly accuse me of being so Goblin greedy for grades.

am i really this stupid and incompetent?



mirror mirror on the wall
November 24, 2009, 19:45
Filed under: letters to no one

ah, insecurity, we meet again. no, i’ve not been sitting around waiting for your silent attack onto me but i have been anticipating your call for quite awhile now. it usually happens when i stay home all day with a ghastly headache, screening and filtering webpages to pass time. and i’ve been home all day today with a ghastly headache, screening and filtering webpages to pass time.

so hello insecurity, what is it you want with me? why do you enjoy shredding these fragments of my self-esteem? Singapore has already managed to rip apart so much of what i used to hold onto. i must fight you, otherwise, there will be nothing left of me.

but why do you always keep taunting me? showing me things that are always so out of this world (to me)? i will not deny that i feel like cringing every time i see things that i am unable to achieve. i feel small and pathetic. i want to make things better when i am feeling less nauseous but i still don’t know how. it’s been one whole year and i’m not really coping. i hate it that you, insecurity, always gets at me because to them i’m not doing badly enough or well enough to get any sort of attention.

i’m just another normal person. like any other fish in this huge school of it.



eighteen
November 24, 2009, 16:37
Filed under: life

i turned legal over the weekend. i got a couple of pleasant surprises from my friends over the last couple of days while at it. a super cute life-sized teddy bear, phone calls from a number of people i least expected to remember, a scrapbook with many unglam photos of me stuffing my face with food – to name a few things. it’s really funny how agitated i felt about my first birthday being celebrated so far away from home. i actually got to a point where i almost allowed barty to talk me into spending the day alone to contemplate life. but i didn’t have to.

honestly, i’m really thankful for people: the ones around me and the ones far away. they make me feel so loved. thanks guys haha.



are we human? or are we dancers?
November 17, 2009, 23:54
Filed under: general

i don’t believe that just because i’m a normal girl i’d still have a chance to ever get married in the future. there are so many amazing single women out there that aren’t married.

anyway, on monday i skipped hockey training to go for this economics lecture conducted by professor robert frank, author of economic naturalist. it was a pretty good lecture, kinda enjoyed myself although most of the concepts brought forward were highlighted in his book. the reason why i wanted to go for this lecture was because earlier this year i read the book and decided to take economics only to be faced with a grueling, rote-learning syllabus. it was nothing like what i had read and it was pretty disappointing. in the end, this event turned out to be something catered more for civil servants and economic professors making discussions at the end of the forum turn quite technical. to be honest, i had little to no clue as to what they were discussing. but i mustered enough courage (only to sound like a total bimbo!) to get to the microphone to feebly ask my question.

anyway.

i have been reading a lot lately. i’m actually starving for brain food but have had no time to source for material to read. recently borrowed this book called Microtrends from my cousin, Brian, but that kind of book with wacky descriptions of modern society isn’t enough to get me going. wiki is a good place to start but friends you should know how i feel about reading from a screen vs having an actual book. sigh. a huge portion of my money is spent on food. and i’ve been eating insanely a lot lately. must tell you about the foods i’ve been eating one day. :) such happiness.



and when the beat kicks in you feel it in your bones
November 13, 2009, 12:08
Filed under: something

i am at a point in life where i find myself waking up in the mornings with an eagerness to get the day going. the dread has gone and i feel contented, safe. i want this feeling to extend to next year, even if things need to change. i don’t want to continue living the rest of my life in Singapore like i’m half dead, barely surviving. i want to climb higher and higher, reach for the stars again because that’s the best Adelyn i know myself to be. i know some friends are frowning on some bad habits i’ve picked up, can’t they see that i am thoroughly enjoying myself? it’s been a rough year and i think i really deserve this.

because the best part is that i am truly happy.



ozku rizac
November 12, 2009, 20:53
Filed under: quickie

i’m supposed to go running in fucking half an hour but i don’t feeling like moving my ass. i feel awfully lethargic today but really happy. really really happy. (:



malaysian blood ftw!
November 11, 2009, 11:01
Filed under: general

I’m proud to be Malaysian!

Alumna Writes for ‘One Tree Hill’

Adele Lim ‘96 is currently working as a writer for the popular CW network drama One Tree Hill, reported theMalaysia Star. Lim, a native of Malaysia, was a former columnist for the paper. One Tree Hill is in its fourth season and stars Chad Michael Murray and James Lafferty. Lim said of the show, “The focus is not on flashy stand-alone stories, but on character arcs, which I actually prefer.”

“Lim’s big break came when she answered an advertisement in a trade magazine asking for assistants for TV scriptwriting staff,” reported the paper. “After getting the assistant’s job, a writer for whom Lim worked read one of her ‘test’ scripts [for Sex and the City]… and introduced her to his manager. This led to her first TV scriptwriting job: as staff writer for the sci-fi series John Doe.” The show was cancelled after a full season, but Lim, even as a first-time staff writer, had had the opportunity to write a script, get story credit for one or two other scripts, and produce some episodes. She next worked on the NBC show Las Vegas, starring James Caan and Josh Duhamel. Lim told the paper she found it intimidating to work with high-profile actors such as Caan. “Other times, it was total fun, like the time (action star) Jean-Claude Van Damme was a guest star on an episode I wrote, and I got to hang out with him and his kids,” she said.

Before her work as a script writer, she worked as a writer’s assistant and script coordinator for shows such asXena: Warrior Princess, Jack of All Trades, and State of Grace. “Television writing is insanely competitive. There are tens of thousands of writers trying to break into the industry,” Lim said.



TWLOHA Day 2009
November 11, 2009, 02:00
Filed under: something

To Write Love On Her Arms

i really understand this movement because once upon a time i, too, was at a low point of life.

sometimes all we need is love. <3



emo points
November 10, 2009, 23:48
Filed under: listing

- my mom thinks i’m fat and she keeps highlighting the fact that i have thunder thighs. what kind of mom says this… seriously?

- every time i talk to my mom about sports she seems to constantly put me down or discourage me. kinda sucks. i wish she knew that i would have chosen to continue violin but circumstances are just really tough.

- i want the pain in my thigh to go away cos i want to be able to train tomorrow! cos if you think about it, i have very few trainings left before i go back to Penang and i need to be able to feel like i achieved something before i go home. Ravjit says i need to stop being so hard on myself because i’m new and shit but i can take shit so hard is what is gonna be.

- the reality of it all is that people are leaving but i feel like i am clinging to every last bit of this, savouring all moments shared

- 20th Nov: hockey or SIMUN? answer’s kinda obvious though.

- i need to repress this urge: i like someone but i can’t tell you who. i need to stop feeling this way because it will bring no benefit to anyone.



i just wanted to update this space because i’m pissed with no one to talk to
November 10, 2009, 22:23
Filed under: super rant

when i first started drafting this post, i started by describing how happy i felt despite being out until late for fourteen days in a row, a couple of which i came back past curfew causing me to be bitched about (again!) by our dear hostel manager. oh how i hate hostel life.

i deleted that because i realize how boring it can be.

anyway, PW is FINALLY OVER! our oral presentation (OP) was held today and it went rather swell. overall i think PW is the dumbest shit everrrr. i have no idea how they’re going to assess me but i think i would really kill myself if i got a C which is quite likely considering the amount of effort put towards the end of the PW run. so here’s an early invitation to my funeral next year.

actually the main reason why i wanted to blog today was to tell you how annoyed i felt about having to run around Singapore just to look for my violin strings. i’ve bought them but the point is i don’t really like having to run around especially since yours truly so brilliantly pulled a muscle. fuck. maybe i’m not meant to do sports.

OH MY FTS! DO I HATE THAT LANGUAGE. FUCKIN’ ANNOYING NASALISTIC RETARDED BULLSHIT. UGHHHHHHHH.

sorry i was annoyed for a bit. people spewing retarded shit around me and it is pissing me off to no end. shaowen, you should know what i’m talking about.

and Collegeboard is being retarded right now. i can’t register for SAT right now. fuckkkkk.