the funny thing is that the more people i am around, the more i feel disconnected from society. it’s like an inescapable buzz i can’t shut out, only more depressing.
still feeling the misfit
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stirrin’ early on a sunday morning
it has started to snow and truth be told – it looks better in the mornings when the sun is rising. it isn’t as cold as you’d expect it to be. and that is a good thing because i have not expected anything like this.
that picture was taken while we were waiting for the bus [PVTA - pronounced piffff-tahh] to go to Amherst. from left to right: jamin (malaysia), me (awful combination but that is the biggest bag i have/i also have no backpack bad), camila (vermont, USA), sonya (california).
snowflakes really look fragile and delicate.
small things i learned about
winter & america
- socks. brings lots and LOTS of socks because your legs and body don’t get as cold as your feet and hands. what is also important to note is that when you walk outside for a prolonged period, you should cover your head. else, heat will escape fast, leaving you very cold. [this is super condensed explanation]
- winter is still quite tolerable. i may have gotten used to the weather. like the other day when it went up to 50 degrees [F], i felt that the weather was intolerably hot. so weather [intended] you like it or not, you will get used to it.
- buildings here are really pretty. a little like the ones in Perth but prettier. i feel like i’m living on Wisteria Lane [Desperate Housewives] because houses here really do have the brick-wall feel, white picket fence [if any] and a lot of green grass surrounding the house.
- this really is a country full of immigrants. it’s not as ‘white’ as i’d imagine it to be. i might change my mind when i leave DC but right now the mix is pretty nice. i like the fact that i can just go to the store and hear an array of languages – of course, i get the most kicks when i hear French.
- there is a lot more sun here than i expected it to be. but then again i am not in (Old and) New England, or so i’ve been told. it is funny because i think my face has gotten a little tanner because of the walks i’ve been talking in the day. obviously, i never expected to get exposed to much sunlight but really… sometimes the rays can get worse than the ones in Malaysia, especially on the road.
dear diary
so i am in America and funnily, i feel like i brought the heat like i always do in temperate climates. it is winter yet today felt as warm as a cool/rainy day in Malaysia. what a good day it is to be out. God is in the weather, i felt it today.
i have left a number of things back at home – most i forgot to bring with me. among these things are the silver winter coat my father bought, a 500g packet of (Malaysian-made) Milo, toothpaste, a working SD card for my camera [because the one i have in this snap & shoot is defunct for reasons i do not know], a proper working US-adaptor, colorful ankle socks, and my violin. but these are things that can be bought and replaced. then there are those that can’t like you who’ve made your way into my life.
but what can i really do. i will be patient and wait. things will be okay because there are things in this world that you know deep inside you that it will work out. and this is one of those things.
which is also quite ironic because lately i have been dabbling with the idea that ones sureness of something does not equate to the soundness of an idea, much like how the whole notion of strength in numbers [in terms of intellectual pursuits] is a stupid idea altogether. even then, i feel like it will be okay. this is me trusting my gut completely. no matter how insane or ridiculously things are, my priorities are set. this is what i want. and what i want, i work for.
happy new year
some thoughts/resolutions on the new year:
1. i am so tempted to deactivate facebook. i hate how much baggage it shows i have.
2. i would very much like to get more involved in volunteering this year.
3. must prove myself academically this year.
4. hopefully i find my thing this year.
so tired but
i just wanted to write something.
- have a flurry of emails that i need to sift through slowly. things to do, emails to write… busy busy busy.
- tomorrow marks eleven days to departure. ’tis a scary thought. it makes me want to coop up more at home, for some reason.
- i LOVE shopping for cosmetics at airports because of their travel kits. it’s always so difficult to find the right travel kit cosmetic stuff but somehow in airports they’re always there in abundance.
- my feet ache from all the walking in Bangkok.
- tomorrow Scott is coming back to Penang. tomorrow will commemorate a year’s passing of having met each other the first time [wtf i don't know if this is grammatically correct or if it makes sense but it's late so i am excused wtf]. because of that i will tell you something stupid about us: i enjoy gnawing at his cheeks because they’re so meaty. i can go like ngomngomngom at his cheeks. ok yes that’s disturbing. okay goodbye.
help
1. i feel so afraid. i’m not that strong after all.
2. i want you there every step of the way. but.
3. this is so fucking difficult.
4. why?!
5. WHY MUST I ALWAYS CRY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
