Filed under: life
i think sometimes we forget the good things in life: the simple things that keep us happy. i think sometimes we get so worked up in the hustle and bustle, bothering so much about the accomplishments about others that we forget to think about ourselves: what makes us happy, what makes us sad. sometimes we should cut ourselves more slack and remind ourselves of the good things in life. we should remind ourselves that we’re all built differently and that we each have our own individual strengths.
today i was reminded that good really does come out of life: we just need to wait for it. :)
i’m really really happy. life’s good.
Filed under: school
i feel so sleepy all the time now. all i want to do is to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. i keep falling asleep during lectures after which i proceed to the library to get a couple more winks, skipping a few more lessons if required. sigh. i don’t know why i’m so tired all the time. :(
Filed under: quickie
you know when you want to talk to someone but can’t because they are only but a figment of your imagination so all you do is paw at things like going online, writing on Facebook walls, posting nonsensical Tweets or Plurks, texting friends hoping that they’ll reply but you know that none of that actually works because the only thing that will keep you sane is if you talk to that someone and what irks you even more is that you could talk to someone else that matches that imagination but time and sucky life schedule is preventing that from happening?
well. hi. a little help here.
Filed under: life
people in general are becoming very selfish these days. we’re so materialistically driven that sometimes we infringe on friendships.
studying in public makes you a nerd/mugger. sometimes i wonder why. isn’t hard work and discipline values we should all encourage and appreciate?
aunties in their late 40s/early 50s on MRT stations are mostly rude. they like ‘fighting’ to get out of the train first, even if you’re getting out at the same stop as them and if you don’t move for them they give you a loud ‘TSK’. so much for manners and respect.
the virtue of saving is harmful to an economy but yet you cannot stop people from saving. how does currency and exchange rate actually work?
my MUN resolution is pretty shit. i feel like i’m groping in the dark, trying to search for things i barely know.
when doing anything, confidence is key. when you’re confident, you’re more likely to succeed.
J2s will always hate J1s for clogging up the canteen during mealtimes.
Filed under: school
failed physics.
failed math.
haven’t gotten back chem but i’m bound to fail it anyway (you just know some things).
hoping to scrape through economics and GP.
admittedly, i didn’t study much. only tried stuffing in things last minute but that doesn’t work for me.
anyway that’s just frikkin’ MSAs. BLOCK TEST!
Filed under: something
i really love coffee. i love the smell and the taste of it. i don’t like it when it is too strong, when the bitterness overrides flavor. i love coffee with milk – full cream milk. i think that’s the only way to drink coffee. and instead of sugar: caramel or hazelnut syrup. starbucks gets it right. most of the time, anyway. there is this one barista from the Gurney Plaza branch and he makes the most amazing caramel macchiato. i think i could fall in love with him. my mom doesn’t know how to drink coffee. she doesn’t appreciate it the way i do. she goes all out for less sugar, less fat… but coffee isn’t meant to be taken like that. she takes it for health purposes. she never understands why whenever i visit the dentist, the dentist always asks if i want to do teeth whitening because apparently i take too much coffee. mmmmmmmmmmm. coffee session in about an hour. yays!
Filed under: politics
racial segregation, as we know it, will never work. by causing more divide within our country causes more chaos. the past 50 years have been about causing that divide and, frankly, we’re all sick and tired of it. it just doesn’t work. the government fails to admit that we, the younger generation in particular, are starting to see that. why are a lot of C’s blaming the M’s for being unjust and unfair? a lot of us C’s, too, are at fault too. putting the blame on the M’s and not doing anything about it; it’s just really sickening.
forgive me if you think i am ‘going against my kind’ but it is such a typical Chinese-y Cheena mindset to so outrightly blame Ms for all the problems of the country. why generalize? the root of the problem doesn’t lie in the Ms. it is those that are in power. i don’t know if Islmc fndamentalists is the right term to use in this context, but assuming that it is correct, they are the ones using the rligion/race card to govern this place. the middle class Ms are not at fault. what i can never understand is why people spend so much time and energy targeting the Ms (and then their religion!) when the target group isn’t so broad.
so the crux of the problems we, Cs, face in our country is the fact that we are:
a) oppressed in the poverty sense
b) facing unequal rights
c) “not happy because the country is run as an Islmc state”
and sure, we blame the government for this. alright. let’s go with this for awhile.
oppression happens across the board, especially if you talk about it in poverty sense. there are many poor Cs, many poor Ms and in fact the most neglected group happens to be the Is and the genuine bmptras. plus, most of gov policies are not necessarily aimed at helping their own kind but instead only for the ones at the top.
the idea that our country should be run as a secular state. well, you know what, frankly it’s not like the government uses the Islmc laws to govern what the people should do. it’s not like we’re all being forced to convert to become Muslims! this point is quite irrelevant.
as for equality, i don’t know what constitutes fairness. if everyone were to be given so-called ‘equal rights’ there is a possibility that income disparity will soon be a major problem in the country, resulting in a lot of unhappiness in the society. alright, too quick before making the correct links.
now see, equality is a really touchy issue. there is no correct formula as to what accurately makes a ‘fair’ government. at one point or another, one party or one issue is going to have to give. for example, their are certain quotas that are in place in the States that insist there be a minimum bar as to the number of African Americans employed. positive discrimination? or inequality? in another scenario, the big issue in France where religious garb has been banned in public places: isn’t this another form of control just that in this case, this happens to be from an anti-religion perspective?
the path to achieve an ideal government, an ideal community is not as clear cut as you think it is. there is no point wishing that you live in an Utopian world where everyone is rational, where human greed does not exist, where all humans do not mix religion with politics. wake up! the real world is far more complicated! everything – politics, religion, emotions, human attitude, equality, human rights – is interconnected and overlapped in one way or another. to adopt a very Nazi-like stance where we use the race card to unite to ‘fight this oppression’ is just really stupid. it didn’t work then. it won’t work now. give me something tangible and realistic to deal with, and then you and i can have a proper conversation.
instead of living in the past where or taking wholesale what politicians say about Cs being immigrants, about Cs being tortured during the May ‘69 incident; try to think about the good of the present. i strongly believe that many Msians have grown out of that phase. more and more Ms have become more urbanized and do not have such warped perceptions of the Chinese. Chinese, ourselves, need to see that too.
the only way to achieve a better Msia is if we, Chinese, also shed our very racists and extreme perspectives on the government. there is no use in banding together to allegedly ‘gain power’ to ‘fight/talk to the government’. that’s just soooo Nazi. the only way to improve the worsening conditions of our country is if we put our differences aside and work together, side by side with all(Chinese, Malay, Indian, bumiputera etc) who are ‘oppressed’. we need to learn compromise and not forever complain how we are treated as foreigners. we need to learn to freaking work together.
i don’t know if i should be targeting the different education systems, you know the Jenis Kebangsaan system. honestly, i don’t really approve. this is one cause of racial segregation. more and more Chinese are moving away from local schools. while i agree that retaining Chinese culture and language can be done so through the JK system, but the system really causes too much divide. this just really really really really REALLY calls for an overhaul of our education system (will write about this in another post… hehehe).
also, i would also like to clarify something on my blog before anyone wants to pinpoint me. the reason why i came under ASEAN scholarship instead of applying for JPA (in fact i will boldly tell you that i did not even bother to apply for the scholarship and rest assured, my SPM results were decent) is because i seek a different kind of education. my reasons for applying here are mainly for the pursuit of education not unhappiness with the state of the government (no pun intended). Msia does not offer the kind of education i seek.
all in all, while i have been quite disappointed with the state of the country, i will not deny that i do continue hoping. first, Chinese ourselves must really rid ourselves of this horrid perception. divide is not the way. bak kata pepatah, bersatu teguh, bercerai roboh.
Filed under: school
MSAs is going really badly. i know i’ve said earlier that i’m not particularly bothered about the results because i know very well i’m way under-prepared, it still doesn’t make it easier. i designed my battle plan for BT1 today. Malaysian juniors are here. only three Malaysian boys. i wish there were more girls around here haha.
scholars meeting in the afternoon and Ms. Wee was talking about something that confirmed my suspicions. when teachers give attention, they seek to stretch those at the top and push the ones at the bottom. people like me, on the other hand, who fall in the middle category are neglected.
thanks for reaffirming the fact that i have been denied of a whole bunch of stuff.
nevertheless, i will work through this. my only concern, however, is that i really don’t know who i should ask to write me recommendation letters anymore. i feel like none of the teachers know me well enough. the few teachers that do know me left this year – out of the blue.
i’ve been thinking actually, how different my life would be if i hadn’t decided to join debates in the first place and if, perhaps, i had joined hockey earlier. maybe then i would suck less at hockey now (not to mention, have better stamina) because i would have more time to train with the team. perhaps i would not have felt so bogged down and unhappy in debates and would have the emotional capacity to withstand the academic pressure. admittedly, i’m weak and easily distracted. i need a lot of space for myself.
these thoughts spiral down to how i don’t conform to normal expectations. like how i willingly gave up my ex-co position for something else, something i wasn’t sure of excelling in.
on paper, my JC records look like i am an unaccomplished, mismanaged, frazzled student. i believe that teachers look at me in that manner too. i really tried very hard to fit into that ’stereotype’ where scholars are thought to be consistently hardworking, climbing the academic ladder and such, rule-following etc. i am, and always have been, the girl who sleeps in class, who gets sent out of class because of unfinished homework, who rebels ridiculous instruction.
but you know, seriously, i am so much more than just being bound by expectations of school. i have other aspects of myself that i am willing to stretch but i always feel that i am being denied of opportunities. why must i perform for every exam? every small, stupid test. must i fit into this system just to achieve what i want?
stop destroying me, Singapore. stop drowning me.
i swear if they make me go for remedials because i failed Chem and Physics this time round… BT HERE I COME.
Filed under: super rant
FUCK YOU ADELYN. GRRR. THIS SUPPOSED TO BE YEAR OF DISCIPLINE. D-I-S-C-I-P-L-I-N-E. NOT SLACKING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTERRRR!
cai yi’s birthday today.
anyway, today is our first ASComm meeting of the year! I LOVE ASCOMM.
Filed under: letters to no one
i saw a rare side of you but it’s gone now. i don’t know why, i don’t know how but you’re just not there. it used to be different when it was just the two of us. now it just feels like we’re both too wrapped up in our individual lives and what sucks even more is that they don’t even coincide when it used to in the first place. i don’t want you to come back. i just want to stop feeling. it’s not good for me. just let me be.
